Hi lovely people! Today, I’m going to be concluding the series, 9 things to consider when choosing a spouse.
When you are making a decision on a spouse, you must realize that it’s not a short-term commitment. It’s for the long haul and it is a critical life-changing decision. Making the right decision can bring you great blessings but a wrong choice can be catastrophic. “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD (Proverbs 18:22).”
No matter how ‘lovey-dovey’ or how strongly you feel about someone, there are certain checkpoints that signal his/her true nature. These are the things you must consider and not just your feelings: His/her relationship with Jesus, the Peace in your heart, Attraction, Your relationship with each other, His/her relationship with others, Emotions, Words, Character and Background/culture.
Today I’ll be talking about background/culture, adding in godly counsel and revisiting the peace in your heart.
Even though we often seek spouses with similar goals and commitments, we might end up meeting someone who has a different background from us. I think that as Christians, background and culture should only play a secondary role in choosing a spouse. “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus (Galatians 3:28).”
Learn to love and embrace his/her traditions. If there is a pattern in your future spouse’s family that seems to be repeating itself, you should, however, spend time praying about it.
Plus, if your backgrounds are too dissimilar and you feel you can’t handle it OR it is raising issues now OR you perceive that it can lead to problems in the future, take a step back and reconsider the relationship. “Can two walk together, except they be agreed? (Amos 3:3 KJV).”
Prayer and the peace of God
Now to conclude this series, I must acknowledge that there is no perfect person or relationship but if you have observed too many major faults or issues, my advice is that you seriously rethink the relationship. However, if they are only minor ones, this is where the prayer and the peace of God I mentioned in part 1 should come into play.
“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:6).”
HOLD UP! I have already established in Part 1 of this series that if the person is an unbeliever, you should stay clear so I hope that’s not what you are praying for!
When I say you should pray about your relationship, I’m also not saying you should pray to God to change the person. Firstly, it’s probably a sign that he or she is not the one for you (unless of course, you feel the peace of God). Secondly, it is a trend that might follow you into the marriage. Don’t think that he/she will change when you get married. Marriage doesn’t change us or make us better people. People hardly change themselves except God does the conviction and the changing.
This is what I’m saying: if you’ve observed a few minor issues with regards to the relationship and your spirit is unsettled, dedicate and quieten your heart before God and spend good quality time (days, weeks or even months) praying concerning your choice. If you still don’t feel at peace with your decision, hold on and wait. “Also it is not good for a person to be without knowledge, And he who hurries his footsteps errs (Proverbs 19:2).”
For example, if you are both Christians but have different cultures, races or backgrounds but you have prayed about it and feel at peace with your decision to get married, then go ahead. Counsel from a prayerful godly person can also be helpful when making this sort of decision. This is why it’s important to have godly mentors in your life.
Let’s also say you see lovely traits in the person but you don’t have a strong attraction for him/her, you could go ahead if attraction is not a major criteria for you or you feel at peace. However, if you don’t feel it, don’t give in to external pressure from friends/family OR internal pressure from your ‘biological clock’. Marriage is a ‘death-do-apart’ relationship.
One main reason why I said you should dedicate your heart to God and quieten your heart before Him is this: sometimes our hearts can deceive us. If you are feeling peace even though the person has many major faults, it might probably be a false sense of peace. For instance, if you have a sense of peace but he/she is a violent and bad-tempered person or emotionally and physically abuses you, I think it’s a false peace. These are major negative signs and I advise that you run away before you enter into a troubled marriage.
Are you currently trying to decide on a life partner? What is your number one criteria?
Or are you already married? Did prayer and the peace of God play a major part in the decision-making process?
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This is a trustworthy saying, worthy of full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the worst. (1 Timothy 1:15 NLT)
**All scripture in this post is taken from the New American Standard Bible (except where stated).**
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